Wasteland Chick
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WASTELAND CHICK
Everybody’s a critic, but hey, so am I. So let’s critique something cool: Punk music my dad likes. Just a warning: There’s going to be some opinion coming at you, so watch out! Anyway, I’ve grown up with this stuff, as my parents are very cool and weird, so I’m used to cool weird punk songs. The song this Wasteland Chick will be reviewing today is Drop Dead by Siege. I give this song a 7.9 out of ten. It has good guitar beats and the general melody is very good. It feels audibly exciting, like it evokes a feeling of excitement when you hear it, like a song you play in the car on your way to a rave or party. The music itself is very good, like there’s excitement worked into the melody. The lyrics are a bit confusing; It kind of sounds like people shouting about stuff, but I think that’s the point. It sounds like a group of people screaming and having fun with sick guitar riffs. My final review: 7.9 out of ten. Lyrics are a bit confusing, but the music itself is very good, and evokes excitement in listeners. Would definitely play this song while driving to a party, or just sitting in the parlor eating breakfast and reading.
Signed, WASTELAND CHICK
Wasteland Chick
So true. Hey fellow wasteland chicks, to explain today’s meme, I, if you could not already tell, really love Mad Max, and just spent a while playing the 2015 video game with my dad, so this has been on my mind for awhile. Anyway, today I’m reviewing the song “State Control” by Discharge. Overall review: I give it an 8.2 out of ten, the song itself is pretty good, very vibe-able and cool. The melody and music beats are kind of just a lot of guitar and drums, but the instruments themselves sound good, like a song your dad’s band practices in your basement, though that might just be me, I don’t know. It overall sounds pretty good and cool. The lyrics are another matter. I love the lyrics! I have always loved punk songs that talk about capitalism and state control! And this song is just that! The lyrics speak the truth, kind of like the song “The Sound of the Police”, which I should probably review at some point. Anyway, my final review: The melody and music are a bit repetitive, but vibe-able, but the lyrics are the icing on the cake, speaking truth in each verse. Would listen again.
Signed, WASTELAND CHICK
(Also I think I need this sticker)
Wasteland Chick
This is my spirit animal everyday. What up, fellow wasteland chicks. How are you doing? I’m doing good. The song we’ll be reviewing today is “I’m Stranded” by the Saints. I give this song a 7.8 out of ten. This song is pretty good. It’s very vibe-able and melodic. It has a very exciting melody, and is pretty cool. The lyrics are a bit repetitive, but are very cool. A lot of repetition, as I mentioned, but there’s an exciting feeling in the lyrics and melody of the song, and I would definitely listen again. My final review: 7.8 out of ten, very vibe-able, a bit repetitive in the lyrics, but an exciting feeling is present in the song itself, so I would definitely listen again, like on the way to the beach, or at a party.
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick.
Wasteland Chick
Literally me. Salutations, fellow Wasteland chicks, dudes, and peeps. I just got back from a cool art gallery with my friends, so, despite the looming poxy-clipse, I’m doing good. Let’s get down to today’s review: Sound of da Police by KRS1. Hell freaking yes, this song! This. Song. ROCKS! The melody and general rhythm of this song, for starters, is very good. It’s exciting, flashy, and fun. The “WHOOP”’s under the beat of the music rock too. Anyway, the lyrics are, in short, extremely true! Every line is…just….true! Everything this dude sings is pure truth, and very rhythmic truth at that. I really like the part where the singer compares slave overseer’s to cops, and the part where the singer also says that black cops aren’t helping their fellow black peers by being part of the problem. Just pure gold. In conclusion, Sound of da Police is a very well-written, vibe-able, and very brutally honest song, purely amazing, and something you or I could listen to in any situation, though some good contenders would be drawing in the basement, or vibing in the car. I give this song a 10 out of 10.
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick.
Every. Fricking. Time. Salutations, Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back to: “A tween girl calling herself a Mad Max character reviews music from the eighties”. Just kidding, this job rules! Anyway, today we’ll be reviewing another favorite of this Wasteland Chick, “Teenage Kicks” by The Undertones. Let’s start with the melody and rhythm: In a word, awesome. This song’s melody has a very excited, low-riff tune to it, if that makes any sense. The melody and rhythm: 9.1 out of 10. Now the lyrics: In a word, yeah. This song’s lyrics evict an excited, pumped-up “yeah”! Though the lyrics are a bit repetitive, I've become accustomed to that with most punk songs. Anyways, this song’s lyrics are a bit confusing to me, but still very vibe-able and cool. Lyrics: 9.3 out of 10. General review: 9.1 out of ten. Very vibe-able and cool, definitely would recommend playing on a car ride to the beach, summer evening trip to the store, or trip to the pizza shop. Live eternal, shiny and chrome, Wasteland Chicks. Bye!
Sincerely, WASTELAND CHICK
One does not. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Glad to be back. Let’s play a quick game: How many Teslas did yours truly flip off today? If you guessed too many, you’d be correct. Just kidding, the answer is 2. Anyway, let’s stave off the impending poxy-clipse by reviewing an old favorite of mine: 77 Sunset Strip by the Numbers. This song rules. Let’s start with the melody and rhythm. Overall, it feels like a classic 50’s bikini beach party song, but with a punk undertone with electric guitars and drums. Kind of like the MST3K song “Sodium”, but about something other than the eleventh periodic element. Anyway, the rhythm and melody feel both classic and punk at the same time, giving a nice tone and feel to the overall song. Next, the lyrics: The lyrics, like most punk songs, I’ve noticed, are a bit repetitive, but the way the singers sing the lyrics add both that 50’s bikini beach party and 80’s underground punk je nais se qua to it perfectly. I also like the random guitar solo midway through. A guitar solo for no reason= instant thumbs-up from this Wasteland Chick. Overall score, 9.2 out of ten, this song captures both a 50’s beach theme and a 80’s punk theme at the same time. A perfect song to play on your way to the beach, a cool party, or just picking up pizza on a Friday. Rise from the ashes of this wasteland, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Bye!
Sincerely, WASTELAND CHICK
Wasteland Chick
Please, I’ve gotta get this pokemon out of me! Salutations, Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back. Before we begin, let’s play a game: What hyperfixation came back this week that Wasteland Chick didn’t expect? If you guessed pokemon, then you would be correct. Straight outta nowhere, I tell ya! Anyway, today we’ll be reviewing “Starry Eyes” by Roky Erickson, and no the song’s not about the Sprite rip-off being poured into someone’s eyes. Thank god. Anyway, the melody and rhythm are a 8.6 out of ten, it feels a lot like “77 Sunset Strip”, but replacing the 50’s beach with 50’s love song. It has that “50’s love song”, “50’s love ballad” feel to it that just pleases the ears. Next, the lyrics: The lyrics are a 9 out of ten. And, as I’ve said time and time again, the lyrics themselves are a bit repetitive, but very vibe-able and cool. They are a nice love tune to whoever “Starry Eyes” is. Fun fact, me and Creature will often vibe to this, more often than not on our way to pick up pizza, but it has basically become our song, which rules. Anyway, overall, the song is a 9.5 out of ten, very vibe-able, very 50’s-ish, and a perfect thing to listen to on your way to get pizza, or to mentally hum while looking at the stars in Maine. Hope this review isn’t mediocre, Wasteland Chicks. Bye!
Sincerely, WASTELAND CHICK
This is my reaction to literally any Trump/Musk news article. Fuck those guys. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. How’re you guys so far? I’m pretty good. Had a banger party with Mr. Mittens, Creature, and some of the coolest members of Ragmag, so I’m happy but a little burnt out. Anyway, top story tonight: I saw a Reddit Post where a cool person was throwing Kraft Singles at their asshole neighbor’s Tesla, so this Wasteland Chick might be making an interesting trip to the grocery store. Watch out, Elon! Anyway, for today’s review, Creature has selected “No Side” by the Comes. This song goes pretty damn hard if I do say so myself, which I do. The rhythm and melody are a 8 out of ten; Very vibe-able and the guitar riffs rule. This Wasteland chick loves a guitar solo! Anyway, the rhythm and melody are very vibe-able and cool, and add a partying theme to it. The lyrics are a 5 out of ten, but ONLY because I don’t know what they’re saying. Don't worry, this Wasteland Chick would never give a bad review without a reason. The lyrics kind of sound like a person shouting about something cool, but they are very cool themselves and add to the vibey, party feel to the song, boosting the song’s score quite nicely. It kind of reminds me of the song “Discharge”, which was actually my first review. Ah, memories. Anyway, overall review: I give this song a 8 out of ten, a very vibe-able rhythm and melody, confusing lyrics, but a good, rave-esque song overall. This is a perfect song to play during a cool party, or just to drive to a pizza place or bookstore. Use Kraft singles as your anti-seed to kill a Tesla, fellow Wasteland Chicks. BYe! Also, Happy Birthday, Mr. Mittens (I love you!!!)!
Sincerely, WASTELAND CHICK (Don’t forget to join the club!)
Wasteland Chick
Please tell me someone else my age knows this show. It’s freaking funny. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back. Now normally during this, this Wasteland Chick is dreading school on Monday, but today I’m looking forward to Monday off! Heck yeah! Anyway, let’s play a game: How many Tesla’s did yours truly flip off today? If you guessed 3, you’d be correct! I think. There was a double Tesla, so we can’t be sure. Anyways, let’s get down to business: Today we’ll be reviewing a personal favorite picked by our own Mr. Mittens! A plot twist! Mr. Mittens has chosen “Lights Out” by the Angry Samoans. This song rules. I’ve been listening and vibing out to this with Creature and Mr. Mittens for years and we love it! It’s just a good song. Starting with the rhythm and melody, I give it a 10 out of ten, it just rules. It’s very excitable and punk, giving a good ear feel to the song overall. Next, the lyrics. The lyrics are, and I hate to sound like a broken record (someone should start taking score), kind of repetitive, but are very cool. It’s almost like a punk poem in a song. Definitely a karaoke song for sure. Let’s get down to the overall review: *Insert the music from the Spongebob Krusty Krab training video here* Overall score is a ten out of ten. An awesome, vibe-able, cool song to listen to whenever you’re driving to the local pizza place, going up country (Chester reference, anyone?), or just hanging out, this song is awesome. Fun fact, while in a drive in for the crappy movie, Dr. Strange Multiverse of Madness, I made Mr. Mittens crack up when I sang the lyrics “Poke poke, poke your eyes out” when Dr. Strange pokes a creature's eye out. Hilarious! And now a riddle: How much more can Trump take from us, first it’s our rights, now it’s our sanity! Don’t let those assholes worm their way into the black matter of your brain, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Bye!
Sincerely, WASTELAND CHICK
Wasteland Chick
Am I a girl? Am I non-binary? These are legitimate questions that showed up in my brain for no reason. Hopefully Trump doesn’t start spouting that it’s only legal to be a boy or a girl. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back. This Wasteland Chick’s fresh back from seeing Cigarette Camp play and buying cool stuff at a flea market, so it’s gonna be a heck of a week! Now let’s play a quick game: How many Tesla’s did yours truly flip off just today? If you guessed 2, you’d be dead wrong! The answer is 33! Yes, 33! Don’t let those dumbasses indoctrinate you, fellow Wasteland Chicks, keep your brains safe from those worms, and even calling them that gives worms a bad name. Anyway, let’s get down to business: Today we’ll be reviewing Summer of ‘81 by the Violators, picked out personally by It’s Casual Dan Wars. This song slaps! And I don’t say that often, believe me. Let’s start with the melody and rhythm, I give it a 9 out of ten. The rhythm and melody are very vibe-able and even radiate feminist energy, which I think the song is about. It gives the song a very “girl power but not in the crappy H&M T-shirts way” vibe to it which fits the song perfectly. Next, the lyrics: These lyrics are awesome, and a 9 out of ten! They also radiate girl power, and slap pretty hard. They are a bit confusing to figure out what they are saying, but are pretty cool. The lyrics give perfect girl power and feminism vibes, which are perfect for a gender-questioning Wasteland Chick like myself. Now for the overall review: I give this song a 9 out of ten, a very good, feminist, underground, vibe-able song that’s perfect to listen to on your way to a flea market, driving to the grocery store, or just sitting in your parlor eating breakfast. Hope you have the testes to ride with this Wasteland Chick and the rest of Ragmag, fellow Wasteland Chicks! Bye!
Sincerely, WASTELAND CHICK(Don’t forget to join the club!!!)
Wasteland Chick
Yeah, I can’t stop watching it! It’s too good! Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back. Start your Tesla counters and prepare yourself for references you’ll be confused and amused by. Today seems like a day of hyperfixations, as not only am I now obsessively watching Daria, I can’t stop reading the original Baby-Sitters Club books, and most of them aren’t even that good! It’s just fun to read. Speaking of the BSC, today’s song is “Claudia Kishi” by Linda-Linda's, and for those who don’t know, Claudia Kishi is the vice-president of the BSC, and would definitely make a better VP than J.D. Vance. She’s also my favorite baby-sitter in the series, and if you’ve ever heard the song, you’ll know why. Let’s start with the melody and rhythm, which I give a 9 out of ten. They’re perfectly vibe-able and cool, providing an upbeat and pop-punk tune to the song, a style which this Wasteland Chick greatly enjoys. Now the lyrics: These lyrics RULE! They perfectly encapsulate Claudia’s entire character, from her funky and fun style to her artistic side and love of mystery. They literally say what Claudia’s deal is, giving it a punk, feminist feel, as well as a deep passion for someone’s favorite character. My favorite lyric from this song is the lyric “Hollowed out books to hide her treats, they stay in time, she goes off beat”, which perfectly says Claudia’s personality, which is the exact reason why she’s this Wasteland Chick’s favorite character. I kind of identify with her, as she is a liberating, funky, sassy, junk-food loving, artistic, stylish girl. Compared to my personality as a tween who likes liberation, feminism, art, weird style, and junk-food, I think we could be good friends. For the overall review, I give this song a ten out of ten, the melody and rhythm are vibe-able and perfectly pop-punk, and the lyrics perfectly say and show who Claudia Kishi is. It’s nice to find simple pleasures such as a song about your favorite BSC character, despite the ever-maddening world we live in. Out here everything hurts, but pick up what’s good in life and run, fellow Wasteland Chicks. See you in the next issue if I’m not obsessively watching Daria or reading Claudia Kishi-focused Baby-Sitters Club books. Bye!
Sincerely, WASTELAND CHICK (This song’s gonna be in my head for weeks)
Wasteland Chick
I’m coming back to school tomorrow, and this ain’t gonna be good. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back. Guess who just finished Beetlejuice for the whatever-eth time? That’s rhetorical, of course, don’t actually respond. Anyway, today we’ll be reviewing “Warrior of Woolworths” by the X-Ray Specs. This song goes pretty hard. It gives this Wasteland Chick serious “consumerism criticism piece of music”, which is perfect. Let’s start with the rhythm and melody, which I give an 8 out of ten. Nothing too out of the ordinary, but still cool and vibe-able. They give a good sense of tone similar to the Linda-Linda’s, which I think is perfect. The tone is very upbeat, yet still pretty damn punk. Next we have the lyrics, which I give another *surprising* 8 out of ten. These lyrics are pretty good, adding a welcome feel into the upbeat tone of the song. They even give me Road Warrior vibes, which is perfect for an almost-old-enough-to-watch-the-movie Wasteland Chick like myself. Anyway, “Warrior of Woolworths” overall score is a 8.2 out of ten; The rhythm and melody are pop-punk-esque and upbeat, and the lyrics are Mad Max-y and cool, giving this song a pretty good score. ‘Hope this review and mag’s the ayatollah of rock-and-rolla, fellow Wasteland Chicks. See you soon!
Sincerely, WASTELAND CHICK
Wasteland Chick
Team Rocket either has plot armor, or Ash is just stupid. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back to you, and to the Pokemon special interest/hyperfixation that came back to haunt me and my thoughts. Anyway, today we’ll be reviewing “We Hate You” by AK47. This song goes pretty hard. Let’s start with the rhythm and melody, which I give a 7.8 out of ten. They’re pretty vibe-able, with nice guitar riffs and drum beats, but they sound a little bit hollow, but still sound good overall. Next: The lyrics, which I give an 8 out of ten. They sound a little hollow and a bit more on the talking-rather-than-singing side, but still sound good and radiate anti-capitalist, anti-billionaire energy, which I love. The lyrics criticize rich people and capitalists perfectly in my eyes, and you all know after 3 months of RagMag that this Wasteland Chick loves. As written on Mr. Mittens Apple Music song playlist names, All Billionaires Must Die. Anyway, time for the overall review: This song’s overall score is 8 out of ten, the rhythm and melody are a bit hollow, but still cool, and the lyrics have an amazing anti-capitalist, all billionaires must die-vibe that I love. Hope you have it in you to make it epic in your lives, fellow Wasteland Chicks. See you next week. Bye!
Sincerely, WASTELAND CHICK (Don’t forget to join the club!)
Wasteland Chick
Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back to issue 14. Or 15, I’ve lost count. School’s almost out and my brain is slowly frying. Today we’ll be reviewing a favorite of mine: “Dog” by the Nubs. Ah, this is a vibe. It always makes me think of Spots from The Isle of Dogs, one of my favorite movies, and rain-soaked pavement for some reason. Anyways, let’s start with the rhythm and melody, which I give a 8.6 out of ten. It’s pretty vibe-able and cool, with a kind of beeping alarm beat under it which is interesting. I especially like the chorus parts where the guitarist just kind of goes to town on the fuzz, giving a funny and upbeat feel to the song. Next we have the lyrics, which I give a 9 out of ten. They’re funky, cool, and fun, describing how the singer identifies as a dog. I like the chorus lyrics especially, since they are very sing-along-in-your-car-able, and cool, and I really like the lyric of “They don’t know what causes me to say bow-wow,” which is just addictive to the ears. Perfection. For the overall review, I give this song a 9.7 out of ten; The rhythm and melody are synth-style ear candy, the lyrics are sing-along-able, and cool with an awesome chorus. Also, this Wasteland Chick’s birthday is in 5 days, so maybe next issue you might see one of W.C. 's classic picks! Hopefully there’ll be no need to snap anybody in the following months, fellow Wasteland Chick’s. Grab your thunder sticks and rev’ up. Bye!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick. (Don’t forget to join the club!!!)
Wasteland Chick
Gravity Falls and Beetlejuice: The Musical? The special interests are colliding! Pray for us all! Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers and mother-like caregivers out there as Bob’s Burgers puts it. I guess I’m in a Beetlejuice: The Musical mood since my birthday was last Friday and among the cool gifts I got from cool people, a Beetlejuice: The Musical record was one of them and now I can’t stop singing “Dead Mom” and “What I Know Now”. Also among the records I got, I received the Chappell Roan album, Rise and Fall of a Midwestern Princess, which is awesome. So, today we’ll be reviewing that classic Chappell hit, “Red Wine Supernova” by I literally just said her
name. Anyway, let’s start with the rhythm and melody, which I give a 9 out of ten. It’s vibe-able, country-guitar focused, and has nice beats and stretches when the singer breaks into chorus. It kind of gives off the vibe of “getting drunk and horny under the dizzy chandelier lights” if that makes sense. Next, the lyrics, which I give a 9 out of ten. They amazingly capture the feeling of vampirism, lesbianism, and sex driveism. A little explicit? Yes. But awesome? Also yes. Time for the overall review: I give this song a 9.8 out of ten; The rhythm and melody are vibe-able, dizzy, and grand piano-esque, and cool. The lyrics are lesbian-focused, vampiral, and sexy, the perfect(ish) combination. What are you looking for? We’re scavengers, fellow Wasteland Chicks, so let’s find out (Guess who watched “Road Warrior” for their birthday? Can you tell?). Bye!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick (We made it to the top 31!)
Wasteland Chick
He is my precious striped child and I love him. His name is also Rocket Raccoon. Yes he probably steals batteries and your soul. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back. Time for another review….and this time…..it's personal! Literally, Creature called Lady’s Choice, so today we’ll be reviewing that classic Beetlejuice the Musical song, “What I Know Now”, sung to us by that classic dead receptionist Miss Argentina. To start things off, let’s review the rhythm and melody, which I give a 9 out of ten. It mixes Latin music beats with general punk and piano, adding a feel of excitement and regret for death into the tone, giving it a sound feel. The lyrics are even better, as I give them a 10 out of 10. They perfectly sing Miss Argentina’s character and regrets, sprinkling in the regrets and awesome song beats of other recently deceased folks, making an awesome feel to this song. But, the best part is this one line: “I EXPLODED!”- Random Dead Guy. Just-Just perfection. Pure gold. Wow. To quote this one commenter on the Youtube version of this “This is the happiest song about suicidal depression.” And it is. For my overall review, I give this song a ten out of ten; The rhythm and melody are a cool mix of Latin and pop, the lyrics are regretful and happy, and everything it says is true. Where must we go, we who wander this Wasteland in search of our better selves, you ask? Well, fellow Wasteland Chicks, come search over on Ragmag. Bye!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick (Don’t forget to join the club or Rocket will break into your house)
Wasteland Chick
Precious Roy: Better than Target or any other bullshit corporation! Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back. Buckle up and grab your Precious Roy Self-Defense Kits and keep that tornado gum at the ready, we’re gonna jump into some cool-weird shit today. My favorite. Today we’ll be reviewing “Ever” by Flipper, and let’s start with the rhythm and melody, which I give a 6.8 out of ten. It’s pretty vibe-able, but I’m not a fan of the screeching guitar and feedback in the background. It does, however, get the “rightfully angry at the world” point across, though, so that’s a definite plus! Now, let’s tackle the lyrics with some electric chairs on a stick because SWEET MARY THE LAST-MINUTE PARDON FROM THE GOVERNOR ISN’T COMING TONIGHT! Anyway, I give the lyrics a 10 out of ten, which is high but well-deserved. These lyrics are angry but understandable; We all feel these rich, intense feelings and thoughts and it’s awesome to see them represented in song. “Ever wish the human race didn’t exist, but then remember that you’re one too,” hits really hard, as this is really what a lot of peeps in the RagMag community are feeling right now, the world kinda sucks. But, we can find simple enjoyment in songs like these. Time for the overall review: I give this song a 8.5 out of ten; The rhythm and melody aren’t great, but get the point across spectacularly.
The lyrics are awesome and relatable, with a nice feeling of being angry and having fun singing about it. Our world is fire and blood (have I used that one already?), but we can still find cool things in it, so keep looking, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Cool shit abound. Bye!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick (Fine Ham Abounds!!)
Wasteland Chick
If only they knew. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back. Before we begin, let’s play a game: Which Wasteland Chick is Off of School Literally on Tuesday? ME! Y’all heard it first, summer is here! Anyway, let’s get the show on the road: Today we’ll be reviewing “Dehumanization” by Crucifix, and holy hand grenade, this song goes pretty hard for being so short I tell you what. Anywhoozle, I give the rhythm and melody of this straight propane fire song an 8 out of ten. They’re pretty vibe-able and cool, adding to the punk and awesome rant-y theme of the song. Next, we have the lyrics, which I give an 8 out of ten. They’re pretty punk and rant-y, but also very true; Venting about the shitty nature of the world, which can honestly be a good way to rebel against it, which is awesome. Anway, for my overall review, I give this song an 8 out of ten; The rhythm and melody are vibe-able and perfectly punk, and the lyrics amazingly capture that loud, angry, and rant-y side of punk, my flame-grilled favorite. Remember where we are, fellow Wasteland Chicks, this is thunderdome. Punks are listening and will take the first man that screams. BYE!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick (RagMag’s got a punk show this summer!)
Wasteland Chick
Best freaking Jaws ending, man. 10 out of ten!! Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back to a SPECIAL EDITiON! of Wasteland Chick, ‘cuz today we’ll be reviewing all 4 Jaws movies in honor of its 50th anniversary and Steven Speilberg realizing “Yeah, making good movies makes a lot of money and childhood nostalgia.” Anyway, let's review them worst to best, starting with Jaws: The Revenge, which I give a 3 out of ten and the “Worst Jaws Movie” award. I just don't understand what happens in this one. So, the mom of Micheal and Sean/the wife of the chief from the first movie (I genuinely forget his name, Keith?) loses her son Sean and goes to the Bahamas with Micheal and his wife and daughter who work there, and the shark that killed Sean and other people in Amity (I think) follows them there. Even though the waters in the Bahamas are too warm for sharks and HOW IN THE UNHOLY HELL does a SHARK follow a boat and multiple planes!!! Anywhoozle, the shark attacks a bunch of people and Ellen (Micheal’s Mom) goes to kill the shark and blows it up with the help of Micheal and a weirdly accented “Jamaican” guy. I think these people have a problem with blowing up sharks. Like, seriously, each movie ends with the shark blowing up! STAHP IT! STAHP. It’s a problem. Also, characters hum the Jaws theme and have flashbacks to scenes from the movies that they were not featured in, implying that the characters have seen the movie? What? Next we have Jaws 2, which wins the “Second Worst Jaws Movie” award and a 5 out of ten, because, ehhhhhhhh? It’s not bad, the teen characters are cool and genuinely sweet while they're protecting each other from the shark, but it’s not enough to salvage it. It just feels boring and slow, and as Creature said while we watched this: “It’s just ‘teens go sailing’ the movie.” And it is. Not a bad watch, but damn, man, they couldn’t even use the theme music for half of it! HA! Next we have Jaws 3, which I give a 6 out of ten solely because of the Free Willy ass ending. After the shark attack in SeaWorld (yeah, Sea World), Micheal’s wife celebrates in a pool and the dolphins that she was taking care of earlier jump out of the water in a horrible PNG edit as she cheers “YEAH!” Just, just wow! This movie is supposed to be Jaws 3-D, but since me and Creature don’t own any, the scenes that are supposed to look cool or scary just look stupid. Like the scene of the shark attacking looks like the shark’s just tapping it and it violently explodes, like what?! Also the shark jaws exploding onto the screen is just silly, man. It’s a dumb movie, but it’s pretty enjoyable even without 3-D glasses (it’s actually better without them!) Next, and to the surprise of no one, the original Jaws gets a 9 out of ten and the “Best Jaws Movie” award. It’s just awesome. The shark animatronic is cool, the characters are well developed, Quint is awesome, there’s genuine tension and fear throughout, and it’s overall just a good film. Overall, here’s the final score: Worst- Jaws: The Revenge, Second Worst- Jaws 2, Second Best- Jaws 3-D, and Best- Jaws. Someone should really question Trump’s bossority, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Be sure to. BYE!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick.
Wasteland Chick
Da, da da da da da, DA DA DA DA!!!! Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back. And, welcome to a new announcement *Krusty Krab Training Video Music*: Your own W.C. is getting her own double feature! I now review music and movies!!!! And I know it sounds like a lot of hoopla, but trust me, just-just trust me it’s going to be good. Also, for today’s meme’s strange blankness, I often think of this music/moment when something DRASTIC or EXCITING is announced.
Anyway, today we’ll be reviewing a favorite of mine: “Dead Mom” from Beetlejuice the Musical, which I can and have listened to on repeat. Let’s start with the rhythm and melody, which I give a nine out of ten. It’s sad yet peppy during Lydia’s vocal highs (that’s what they’re called, right?) and adds a melancholy yet triumphant feeling to the song itself. It slaps. Also, the ensemble cast of this musical deserve an award, they are the best at backing up the lead singers and performers with literal “oohs” and scatting. That’s talent, people! Next, we have the lyrics, which I give a ten out of ten, and strap yourselves in because I have a helluva lot to say. I don’t even know where to begin, but these lyrics go SO hard! For starters, Sophia Anna Caruso has an amazing voice and is excellent at her role as Lydia. Seriously, 90% of comments on the Youtube version of this song say that she’s the original (musical) Lydia and they are so right. Nobody does it better than Dominoes. Something like that. Anywhoozle, the lyrics expertly sing Lydia’s grief over her dead mother (Oh, that’s why the song’s called “Dead Mom”!) and anger yet pleas of visibility for her father.
A few lyrics I really like (just 4, or we’d be here all day) that I think sell the point really well are “I’m a bunch of broken pieces, it was you who made me whole!”, which explains perfectly Lydia’s deep grief and sadness over losing her mom; “Ignored it for a while, but Daddy’s lost his mind for real! You won’t believe the mess that we’ve become.” shows how her mom’s death fractured their relationship due to Charles’s emotional unavailability and general asshole behavior and Lydia’s desperate grief for her father to say her dead mother’s name; “Mamma, is this it? Are you receiving?! I want something to believe in or I’m done!” shows how Lydia desperately needs something hopeful to believe in after her mother’s death, and “Whatever it takes to make him say your name, dead mom!” shows how she is driven throughout the musical to avenge her mother in a way and get Charles to say his wife’s name. Overall, I give this song a ten out of ten, this rhythm and melody are awesome, sad, and peppy at the same time, the lyrics perfectly show emotion and grief, and Sophia Anne Caruso rules. Strange things are soon to be afoot at the Circle K, fellow Wasteland Chicks (this is a hint of things to come!). Bye!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick.
True that, dudes. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back to a brand new W.C. double feature, and instead of music, we’re reviewing MOVIES! And today we’ll be reviewing the classic “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”, which I give a nine out of ten. The plot is both funny, heartfelt, and low-stakes, which I enjoy, as movies need stakes, but when they’re amped up too high, it can be a stressful watch. Something I also enjoy is how all of the characters (sans a few) are just nice and friendly to each other: Bill and Ted are great friends and are sweet and accommodating to the time travel people they bring back for their report, the time travel dudes are nice to each other despite being from different time periods and some friendships are even struck up, and even the slight antagonist teacher is surprisingly friendly to the about-to-fail Bill and Ted. Also something cute I noticed: the birthday balloon Deacon (Ted’s little brother) has in his room says “Party on Dude!” on it, meaning that Ted got him the balloon! Aww! Also, shoutout to Socrates for just literally going along with everything in this movie despite being kidnapped from Ancient Greece by two 20th century high schoolers. Like, this dude literally saw the future and did not care! Also, the final report scene is excellent, as it shows the crowd loving it, and the time travel people showing off their skills, and Bill and Ted just being Bill and Ted. Also, who is doing that incredible lighting? Nikola Tesla in a booth? Anyway, I also love Bill’s stepmom, Missy, who is really sweet, and Napoleon being a dick. It’s just pretty funny to watch! Also-also, I love how B&T meet the future and its people and learn that their music (which gets better trust) helped positively change the world. Maybe we need to send a Bill and a Ted on an Excellent Adventure. We could use one! Anyway, I give this movie a 9 out of ten, as it’s low-stakes yet enjoyable, the characters are nice and hilarious, and the movie itself is just a feel-good, funny, Excellent Adventure. Maybe I’ll review the rest of the series…Only time and hyperfixations will tell…. Make sure to party on, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Bye!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick (Hope you like my art!)
Wasteland Chick
This show is actually most triumphant, and I’m not kidding. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back to another WC Double Feature. And to start off the music side, today we’re tackling “Catch Me” by The Jetz. And, let’s start off with a most excellent bang and review the rhythm and melody, which I give a nine out of ten. They’re vibe-able, pop-ish, punk-ish, and kind of give me a springy beach vibe, which I quite enjoy. It almost has an airy feeling to it, which is pretty ironic, given some of the lyrics. Speaking of which, I give the lyrics an excellent 8 out ten. They kind of have a soft yet scream/chant-able feeling to them, as the core of the song seems to be about friends catching each other, which is peacefully hammered in by the lyrics. In general, the song has a nice, excited yet calm feel to it, something you could just sing in the car on your way to a party, or to the horrors of the Trader Joe’s parking lot (somebody PLEASE get that reference). Anyway, I give this song a 9 out of ten, due to its positive yet calm feel, and the sing-ability of this song. Pure joy! Make sure to be excellent to each other in these strange times, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Bye!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick
Like, seriously, can I finish the thing I was looking at?! Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome to part 2 of WC’s Double Feature. And today, we’ll be tackling straight into the ground and grinding its bones into dust the movie “Batman Forever”, AKA the last good Batman movie until the 2000’s. Anyway, I give the movie a 8 out of ten, partially due to Jim Carrey. He’s an excellent Riddler, and an excellent weird-as-hell-goofy character actor. Just-Just excellent. Wow. Meanwhile, the plot itself is pretty good; It tells the story of Batman’s battle with Two Face, The Riddler, and a woman named Chase who is creepily into him. Also, it tells the tale of how he meets whiney-I mean Robin. I also love how in all of these movies, Alfred is always the best. Like, he’s super nice and encouraging to Robin, appropriately tells Bruce Whine he’s being a dick, and just is pretty cool. Also, shout out to Bruce Whine for having the passcode to the Batcave, the literal BATCAVE, being to sit in an office chair and say “chair”. No wonder Awesome Makeup Man and Jim Carrey were able to figure out Batman’s secret identity so easily. Also, speaking of Two Face, I love his makeup and character design in this film. The two different patterned coats, the whole ass split in two room design, the other side of his face! I strive to be that good at special effects makeup one day. That would be most excellent. Ghost zombie Jesus, how many times have I said that? Probably a lot. Anywho, I also love how Robin, despite being whiney, does protect a girl from a weird blacklight makeup gang when he takes a spin in the Batmobile. He didn’t have to, but he did. True hero. Final shout-out goes to Chase-I-Wanna-Sex-Batman and Bruce Whine having the driest dialogue known to man, and repeating the same GODDAMN LINE multiple times! Time for the final question: Should you, my dear readers, watch this movie? If you like good costuming and makeup, weird dialogue reads that are dry as hell, whining, and really cool villains that are much better than the heroes (in most cases), then yes. If you selected no, then no. Watch something else. See ya later, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Bye!
Sincerely and tiredly, Wasteland Chick.
Wasteland Chick
MY AIM IS GETTIN’ BETTER! Somebody please get that joke. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back. Did you miss me? Admit it, you missed me! Sorry for my lack of entries, I’ve been pretty tired with school startin’. Glad to be back to reviewing my favorite songs and movies, ‘cuz this W.C. has made this section her own. Hells yeah! Anyway, today we’ll be reviewing a new-ish favorite of mine, “Casual” by the gay gorgus great Chappell Roan. And for starters, I’ll review the general rhythm and melody, which I give a 8 out of ten. I like the subtle what I want to call vocal thumping that starts at the intro and continues as a beat throughout the rest of the song, as well as the piano/keyboard and violin stings between lyrics. It’s very pleasing to the ears. Next I’ll tackle with a ten pound metal door the lyrics, which I give a 9 out of ten. The chorus is a little…ahem, provocative, but the rest of the lyrics really do show the singer/Chappell’s anger and frustration at being in a “casual” relationship and trying to be the chill girl despite the other partner’s lack of effort or understanding. I really like the lyric “I fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner, your parents at the table, you wonder why I’m bitter!”, which shows the singer/Chappell’s frustration at literally meeting the other partner’s parents and having sex with them IN THE RESTAURANT BATHROOM and the other partner still saying it’s casual. Anywho, time for the overall review: I give this song a 9 out of ten, the rhythm and melody are sad, drawn-out perfectly, and vocally spread, and the lyrics are sad yet understandable and angry. This song is great for a vent session in your car, doing homework, karaoke, drawings comics with dog OC’s, or getting the job done (hint hint!). It’s never casual with how much I love writing these columns, fellow W.C.’s. See ya!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick!
Probably swim into waves with a JFK mask and never come back. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back to another W.C. Double Feature. Today we’ll be reviewing the movie “Point Break”, which I have just recently seen in a backyard showing with Catie and Creature, which is awesome! Anyway, I give this movie a 8 out of ten. For starters, I really love Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayzee, and Lori Petty’s acting in this film! Keanu Reeves is his excellent self, Patrick Swayzee is very good as the mysterious bro villain, and Lori Petty is very good as the surfing teacher love interest. Also, I love the assistant older detective guy working with Keanu, and I really laughed at the “Calvin and Hobbes Meatball Sandwiches” part. If you know, you know! I also love the part where Johnny Utah (hilarious name, by the by) is chasing Bodhi, and straight up FIRES THE GUN INTO THE AIR while Bodhi’s climbing a fence. What?! I can just picture the news headline, “Local broken windows thought to be caused by bullets fired into air. Cop blamed.” Anyway, I like the kind of spooky mysterious ending where we don’t really know what’s going to happen to Bodhi. It adds a mysterious yet satisfying element to the ending. But I do have one question: HOW THE FREAKING HELL DID THEY END UP IN AUSTRALIA?! THEY LANDED IN MEXICO! WHAT? Also, what happened to Lori Petty’s character? Is she in Australia, did she die, what? Anyway, this was a fun watch. Slight warning since there’s a lot of blood and swears, but it’s very funny and action-packed. Perfect to watch in a backyard with all of your friends 😁. See ya later with two meatball sandwiches, fellow W.C.’s! See ya!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick
Wasteland Chick
I’ll do you one better: Why is Bucky? Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back to hyperfixation central, as this W.C. has the insatiable urge to consume any movie and every movie with Bucky Barnes in it. Don’t ask me why. I-I think he’s neat 😀. Anyway, today we’ll be ripping the steering wheel out the car of Chappell Roan’s new-ish song “The Giver”. Now, y’all may be wonderin’ what this song has to do with today’s meme, so let me give you guys an answer: The answer is both Chappell and Bucky get the job done, as is the message of the song. Yes it’s two different contexts, but WHO CARES! Anyway, let’s start with the melody and rhythm, which I give a 8 out of ten. I like the modern-country vibes, as well as the addition of the violin and guitar (acoustic and electric). I also like the addition of the subtle “na-na-na’s” under the beat and in the chorus. It all adds a pop-punk and country feel to the song at the same time. Ear candy. Next we have the lyrics, which I give a nine out of ten. I love that while the song is a thinly veiled metaphor-for lesbian sex, I like the heavy lyrical repetitions of “She gets the job done!” It’s not exactly a feminist anthem, but hey, much like the winter soldier on a kill mission, us lesbians can get the job done! I also love the lyric “Ain’t no country boy quitter”. Take that southern men! I also-also love the lyric “Good luck findin’ a man with the means to rhinestone cowgirl all night long!” because, dykes, we all love to rhinestone cowgirl ALL night long! And we can all think of a girl who could bring her pink cowboy hat and rhinestone gun! Plus, I love the random country man back-up singer jumpscare towards the end where it just goes “~ShE gEtS ThE jOb DoNe~”. Also, dykes unite! Somebody grab that card from Futurama that talks and the Crushinator! Anyway, I give this song a 9 out of ten. It’s petty, vibe-able, ear candy, and has a good blend of country, pop, and petty. Don’t forget to get the job done (murder or otherwise), fellow Wasteland Chicks. LiaH ArdyH (not actually).
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick
Wasteland Chick
Tsk, tsk. Every time! Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back, where your local tween punk has obsessed over a new musical, and this time it’s Heathers! Now before the nostalgia bomb hits hard for a few of you readers, let’s get to it before the void consumes us. Anyway, today we’ll be reviewing the song “Candy Store” from Act 1 of Heathers: The Musical. To start off, I give the rhythm and melody a 9 out of ten. It’s vibe-able, and also has a great balance of rhythmic drum beats and dramatic stings. I also love the little musical annunciations of some of the words characters sing. It-It’s just wow 😀. Anyway, next we have the lyrics which I give a ten out of 10. The lyrics are just amazing! Everybody sings awesomely, Heather Chandler’s vocals are incredible and perfectly manipulative of Veronica, surprisingly Heather McNara is awesome in her few singing lines where she tries to convince Veronica that Martha isn’t worth it as a friend (It’s mean but I love Heather Chandler’s singing delivery of “Say goodbye to Shamu”, like, so SMOOTH!), and Heather Duke is Heather Duke. Chaotic show-stealing queen. OVERALL REVIEW TIME!: I give this song a 9.9 out of ten, the rhythm and melody are near perfection and vibe-able, the lyrics express the Heathers’ attempts to seduce Veronica into joining the group (Am I using that right?), and the lyrics are sung so smoothly by everybody. Also, SHUT UP HEATHER! Context: I couldn’t find any memes of that moment 😣. For the love of Ghost Zombie Jesus, don’t blow up your school without me fellow Wasteland Chicks. BYE!
Sincerely and dearly, Wasteland Chick
Wasteland Chick
Kids, be sure to stay in a non-exploded school and don’t do drain cleaner. Salutations, fellow Wasteland Chicks. Welcome back to another episode of “I can’t stop referencing Heathers”. Anyway, today we’ll be tackling with a ten-pound metal door the Heathers: The Musical, J.D.-heavy song “Meant to Be Yours”, which is, for those who haven’t seen the musical, the scene where J.D. wants Veronica to blow up Westerburg High and she fake hangs herself. I knew that loose was too noose! Anyway, let’s start with the rhythm and melody, which I give a 9 out of ten! The pacing is an incredible mix of a classical manipulative love tune and a high-steppin’ action number, which feels a bit jarring until you realize that it’s definitely on purpose! The jarring changes are much like J.D. himself as a character; sweet and soft one minute, but once he goes deeper into psychopath mode, he becomes angry and forcing. Just-just Wow! Moving along, on the other hand, I give the lyrics a 10 out of ten! First of all, I love the progression of J.D. singing about his nefarious plan into random bursts of a “sweet” love song, which really shows how desperate he is to convince Veronica to help. I also love the random “pew pew pew”’s J.D. does when he’s describing the school blowing up. Like- bro’s describing insane psychopath plans and then just- pew pew pew 😀! I also just love the way he sings “And so I built a bomb!” Like, he sings it in a way where it just sounds like an excited scream of “I built a bomb :D!” Finally, I love the almost addictive nature of the lyrics, they’re pretty perfect to just listen to on loop for hours! Overall review time!: I give this song a 10 out of ten, the rhythm and melody are spooky and ballodic, the lyrics are delicious and terrifying, and it has a great balance of humor and fear. Don’t forget that the dinosaurs will turn to dust, fellow Wasteland Chicks. See ya!
Sincerely, Wasteland Chick